About

*Important: The story contains a lot of negativity towards the society. Some parts are extremely depressing. If you're mentally unwell, please stop reading as soon as you don't feel okay.

I was born in June, 1998. In the early 2000s, the source of entertainment was limited. I spent my childhood growing up with animations from cartoon network. I have a sister who is 4 years older than me. We would doodle our silly drawings while watching cartoons. That was my first introduction to drawing.

When I was 7 years old, my parents were interested in developing creative skills for my sister and I. Parents at that time would persuade their children to take classes like music, drawing, or martial arts, in addition to formal education. My sister and I took an art class in a shopping mall near our home. The art class focused on having children draw what they like with no restrictions. IIRC, they didn't focus on fundamentals or art theory (Which I think that's what art education for children should be, pls don't teach intense art theory to a 7-year-old kid)

They provided us with reference images of popular anime and cartoon characters. We could draw from reference or just draw anything we like. At that time, my sister already had an original character. I wanted to be like her, so I drew one too. The art teachers were amazed that we, a 7-year-old and 11-year-old, had original characters. I overheard them and smugged proudly. That art class was the beginning of my love for art.

As a person who values freedom, art is like the best hobby ever. I can create anything from pencil, colored pencil and paper, with no one to tell me what I should do. Later, I began to write comics like crazy while taking inspiration (and sometimes copying) from anime like Ojamajo Doremi and Hamtaro.

Looking back at that time, it was so much fun to just draw anything I like without expecting it to be good or even decent.

I drew my first completed comic around 2007-2009. It was a silly comic named “Tewe’s Prophecy” with 6 main chapters. I copied the name from an RPG game called Ahriman’s Prophecy, which I played with my sister. I thought the word “prophecy” sounded so cool. Tewe’s prophecy was a story about main protagonist's fight with evil fairies.

The reason why I chose to have fairies as antagonists was that I was fed up with all the good angels and fairies. In every media, they had always been protagonists with demons as the bad guys. I reversed their good nature to an evil one. Maybe I've always been stubborn and anti-mainstream since I was young xD

I joined DeviantArt around 2008. My sister was the one who came across the site. DeviantArt was the first online art platform that I knew of. It was like an enormous online art gallery with millions of artists sharing their stuffs. I would draw random characters, have the page scanned, then upload to DeviantArt. My page has both drawings, photos, and even game screenshots. It was crazy but fun as heck.

There, I found my first favorite artist, Pyromaniac. He drew original characters in a cartoony mixed with anime style. What surprised me the most is that he mainly used colored pencils. I never knew colored pencils could produce such amazing artwork. I had his OC paintings printed out and still keep them in a folder to this very day. His DeviantArt page is no longer available and I don't know if he's still drawing nowadays, but he is one of my biggest inspiration for sure.

School started getting more serious as I got into middle school. At that time, most students, including myself, would take private classes in addition to school education. Either by their parents' pressure or their own will. Being forced to take private classes had permanently damaged my mental wellbeing. In addition to the 7 hours classes on 5 days every week, my precious weekend would get 3-4 hours taken away by something I despise, against my own will. I would cry and curse the tutors almost every Sunday when I had to take private classes.

I started playing Gaia Online, an avatar-based social game in 2011. While I didn’t interact with other players much, I enjoyed dressing up my avatar with the vast outfit and accessory choice. I didn’t use IRL money to buy cash shop items, but I grinded in-game currency for the outfits instead. Then I discovered that some players offered artwork in exchange for in-game currency. Tempted by all the amazing outfits, I started doing digital art for the first time, hoping to get the items I wanted.

Digital art in 2011 was not widely available to everyone. Most of the time, doing digital painting was trial-and-error. Art tutorials were very limited, let alone digital art. I was so excited to draw digitally after always doing traditional art ever since I was born. I, a 13-year-old, felt like I was some professional artist because I got to draw digitally like them.

I would sketch and do line art traditionally then scan the drawing for digital coloring. I used a regular mouse to color, with the huge help of the magic wand and lasso tool. A single drawing would take so many hours. Even so, I was really happy and excited to draw digitally.

In the end, I didn’t really offer art commissions for in-game currency thinking my current skill wasn’t good enough for people to pay even in-game money for my artwork. However, I did draw a lot and got more familiar with digital art. That’s still a big win for me.

One thing I'm really glad that I did was talking to my parents how bad I felt when taking the private classes and said I'd like to study extra hours by myself. They agreed and finally, I got out of the private class hell when I was in the 9th grade.

In 2012, I watched Death Note, the first anime I've watched that is not children-oriented. I loved the artstyle and story. I really liked how the characters' expressions were portrayed. I sympathized with the characters like they were real people and yes, I cried like a baby when my favorite character died. I didn't really like anime style characters in the past (think of retro anime style like Cardcaptor Sakura, Sugar Sugar Rune, and Negima), but at that time I became fascinated with anime by the influence of Death Note, followed by Rozen Maiden, and many more.

Another notable event in both my life, as well as my art journey, is that I got into J-Rock and J-Pop since 2013. Alice Nine/アリス九號. is my second all-time favorite band (only second to My Chemical Romance) to this day. What really amazed me at that time is their songs were deep and emotional. It wasn't like some typical top chart songs that talk about love in a somewhat superficial way.

Apart from love songs, Alice Nine had songs that expressed the beauty of nature, motivational, and also aggressive ones. As I was still a teenager, it was the first time that I'd seen such beautiful form of art. Not only their music was melodious, the lyrics were also deep and awesome. I have an entire notebook dedicated to writing their song lyrics in Japanese, Romaji, and translation to Thai, my native language. Alice Nine was my big motivation to start learning Japanese.

Then unfortunately, I got into another hell during 2016-2018 after studying so hard to get into my desired dental school. Being a dentist offered stable income with admiration from society. Even when I was suffering greatly, I tried to think of the future like, suffer now by studying hard. When I finally graduate, my hard work would pay off. In reality, I don't think I would ever graduate from dental school before going completely insane. And as you may have probably guessed, I got out of dental school in 2018.

*Disclaimer: I'm not saying that dental school drives everyone insane, almost all 90-ish people in the same year graduated and became a dentist

Getting out of dental school was like going back to the human world again. The joyfulness didn't last long because I had to find a new place to study. In Thailand, a decent job requires at least a bachelor's degree.

I was lost because I didn’t really know what career I wanted to do. The reason that I got into dental school was because I think it’s a nice idea to alleviate the patient’s pain while earning income, being a dentist uses hand skill, and it has flexible work hours if you’re working at a private hospital.

I always knew that I loved doing art, but it was hardly considered an occupation where I live. Doing illustration as a main source of income won’t cover your daily expenses if you’re not well-known, not to mention being a freelancer like I wanted to. There was a popular question, that is "If money is not a factor, what career do you want to do?". I knew it too well that mine was something related to art, illustrator, comic artist, character artist, etc.

*TRIGGER WARNING: depression, suicide
Please skip the hidden paragraph if mentally inwell

Studying at another university felt like a nightmare so I couldn’t stand getting into one again. As I have nowhere else to turn and I’m getting older every year, I tried my best to learn art for being a professional illustrator. With the collapsing mental wellbeing, even my way of studying and doing art was toxic.

I was interested in art “hacks” that instantly make your art better without decent skill and foundation. I put the blame on the algorithm and such that my art was not recognized. I even took an “Instagram marketing” course to try to advertise and sell my art (it was one of the most bullshit things I’ve ever bought)

While I wasn’t clearly understanding art fundamentals (AKA the boring stuff). I focused on coloring techniques and such (AKA the fun stuff). The result is straightforward, my art looked somewhat fancy but it lacked basic fundamentals like shapes and forms.

I bought a short character art course on an online learning platform around 2019. I would only watch the video (with 2x speed sometimes) without taking any notes. It was one of my worst mistakes in learning anything. Without any notes, I barely remembered anything from the course. I stopped watching the course videos around chapter 3 because I think it didn't work. In reality, the main problem lay within myself all along.

My quest for selling my artwork continued. I started accepting free art requests from strangers on DeviantArt and Instagram, hoping to advertise my commissions. I joined popular artists' Draw This In Your Style (DTIYS) challenges with the hope of getting exposure and followers. In the end, drawing tons of free requests and DTIYS entires did help me get more exposure. However, I still got zero commission order. I was tired, drawing was sometimes just pain and suffering. It was barely fun and enjoyable.

I got into an open university in 2020 to finally get my first bachelor's degree. As much as I hated formal education and the stupid rules about recruiting employees in my country, I knew too well that if you want to work at a decent place here, you have to have at least a bachelor's degree. I chose to study English major, which is something I did great in high school.

I started selling NFT artworks in 2021, which was another horrible experience in my art journey. I was hungry for validation because I kept thinking that I couldn't even sell a single art commission. Sometimes I felt like no one would ever buy my art. Selling NFTs didn't go well either. I made some sales, but it was not worth the effort and mental energy at all.

When I started, I liked the idea of decentralized economy and NFTs in general. But it's like everything in real life, theory and reality is completely different from each other. I quitted being an NFT artist in 2022. The only good thing was that I learned a lot more about cyberscamming, which is very important nowadays.

During 2022-2024, I fell into the trap of productivity YouTube. I felt guilty when I relaxed and played games. I kept comparing myself to my IRL friends who were already working full-time, especially those who were dentists and doctors. I learnt art fundamentals from free YouTube videos, which helped me understand some art priciples better. I wanted to take paid art courses, but I felt bad about using my parents' money to buy something that might not worked out again.

The big positive change was that I learned from my past mistakes. I took notes of what I've learned from the free video lessons. I did drawing practices like gesture drawing, form studies, as well as color studies. All with pencil and paper, without the help of digital tools.

Drawing on paper again made me feel more positive about my art. I realized that using too much digital tools like transform or liquify with negative thoughts in mind could sometimes ruin the drawing. Maybe I watched too much "Art fixing" videos from professional artists. No offense to those artists, it was also my own interpretation of those videos that was not okay.

The biggest change in my art journey happened in late 2024. I bought an online complete art fundamentals program which costs around 300 USD. It was the most expensive thing I'd ever bought that was related to learning. At the same time, I stumbled across two self reflection quizzes by a team called "Deadline Always Exists", which made me aware of so many things about myself. Here's what my results are:

"Waiting for the orchid to bloom". "A gift from the dead, for you to always be aware of what's important in your life, while you're still alive."

You haven't lived your life the way you wanted. Your responsibility, money, or sometimes, yourself, is stopping you from doing what you want. You're like an orchid that takes a long time to bloom. Some orchids never bloom in their entire life, or wither before they even got to bloom once.

However, if an orchid does bloom, even once, it'll be a long-lasting beauty that won't wither easily. You usually tell yourself "I'll do that later" to all the things you want to do, with excuses that feels right in your head. It's always "tomorrow". But don't forget that life is not that long for you to take the time to bloom.

"A child who wants acceptance". "Am I weird? Am I different from the others? I'm afraid that you'll eventually find out that I'm not good enough. I'm different. Is there anyone who'd be willing to sit and listen to me, without judging anything?"

This child wants acceptance. They tried to be everything and everyone, except for who they really are. You don't have to accept everything about them, if that's too hard. But please, see them for what they truly are, not too high, or too low, and perceive yourself as who you truly are.

I'd never cried so hard for an online quiz. Everything suddenly clicked. Most of the time in my life, I spent it for others. There was so many things that I've always wanted to do, but never had the time to do them. I tried to please my parents by studying hard, by being a "good kid" who listened to what they said even though I didn't agree with them. I tried so hard to avoid conflict, at home, in school, all of the places that I had socialized, even if it meant sacrificing myself.

I began to change, little by little. I considered my feeling first rather than others' like I used to do. I stopped doing some things that'd please other people if I didn't want to. It was the time that I felt like myself again, after all this time.

Another big change that also happened in late 2024 is that I finally confronted my parents about some actions in their daily lives that restricted my freedom, but never had the courage to talk to them. It was hard for them to accept and the situation was rough at first. But gradually, they tried and things got better and better.

2025 was my biggest turning point. I study the art fundamentals program almost daily without pressuring myself. I drew almost every day without the feeling that I had to draw every day to improve. It was just fun and enjoyable. Even the art studies that I always thought they were boring (although I haven't do those studies that much) was really interesting.

I quitted posting my art on TikTok, Instagram, and X/Twitter, which were the place that I never liked in the first place, but thought they were essential to my online presence. I hated it when I "have to" follow trends and please the algorithm of big tech companies to have my artwork seen. It was suffocating as I continued doing something against my beliefs, thinking it was crucial.

I joined Bluesky in late 2024, but became much more active in August 2025 after meeting so many artists on the site. It was like the old DeviantArt when it was still cool. People commented on each others' art and hyped each other up. I received many kind comments on my artwork which was one of my biggest encouragement to draw more and more. It was like I finally found a place that I belong.

Earlier in 2019-2022, I tried to draw daily like some professional artists recommended. However, the thought that I "have to" draw daily to improve was horrible enough to make me quit in 1-2 weeks and it filled me with negative thoughts about drawing. Everyone is different, one method works for some people, and doesn't work for others. As for me, a person who values freedom and is extremely sensitive to pressure, the thought of drawing daily is much more negative rather than positive.

I met a friend through an online MMORPG in 2019. He was interested in anime art and games with beautiful character design. He commissioned many illustrations from me since 2022 even though my skill wasn't that good. I appreciated his kindness, it was probably his way of showing support and saying "keep going". In 2025, he told me that I was his inspiration to start learning art. I was so touched and impressed that I was someone's inspiration to start doing art, like many artists I admired.

I found out about neocities in early 2025 through a video on YouTube. After browsing tons of pages here, I felt like this was the coolest website of the like-minded people who were fed up with modern internet. I'd never learn coding before, thinking it was too hard for me with no knowledge of computer languages. But seeing all the inspiring websites, I was motivated to start learning HTML coding and build my own website, a place I own, without big companies telling me what to do.

I advertised my art commissions more in early 2026 and got some commission orders. Some clients were really happy with the commissioned piece and said nice things to me or in the public reviews. I was overjoyed to have met their expectations, and sometimes exceeeded them.

And here I am, 28 years old and finally doing my dream job that I've always wanted. My income from art commissions is still less than minimum wage where I live, but it's just the start of my art career.

I also did informational illustrations about oral hygiene, commissioned by an acquaintance of my sister. It's kinda funny how a dental school dropout is now drawing illustrations about oral hygiene. The client is always kind and says such nice things to me and my artwork. I'm really glad to draw for a kind person like her.

I started learning to play music, using my sister's electric keyboard that she doesn't play it anymore. I always thought that playing keyboard or piano with two hands was super overwhelming. I hadn't learned music apart from school classes before but I managed to learn the basics from YouTube videos.

After I can play "Fur Elise", my classic favorite and also my first song using two hands. I'm currently learning to play My Chemical Romance's "I Don't Love You". The feeling when I can play my favorite song from my all-time favorite band is the best. Even though I'm just pressing notes while watching "How to play I Don't Love You for piano beginners" video, it's the best feeling ever.

During the time that I was depressed, I've learned a lot of things. Apart from being forced and pressured by others, how I unconsciously betrayed my own core value, which is freedom, by pressuring myself, made me became lost and miserable.

This is my own life. I'm free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without causing trouble for others, of course.

And I'd say "The orchids have finally bloomed".